I frequently drag my tired (non-morning person ass) into the office at a ridiculously early hour. Like 7 a.m. early.
This sucks.
But, I get a tiny amount of comfort because the lights are still out at this time and I can hunch over my keyboard with the glow of the computer screen illuminating my desk. This is a moment of serenity for me. Unfortunately, there is always some fool who always flips on the lights 10 minutes or so before 8:30 hits, causing my eyes to immediately squint and my body to cringe.
Who the fuck is this annoying person and why must they jerk me out of my peace early?!
I just want to sit in the dark for 10 more minutes before the vexations of the day begin. Is that so much to ask for? I think I deserve it.
-Signing off "bitter" in San Francisco
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
I Don't Care
I am being really lazy and my post today is an IM conversation I had with snark2.
[11:53] snark1: dude, can i just say that i hate when people tell me they are going to lunch
[11:53] snark1: fucking go to lunch, i don't care
[11:53] snark1: just get the shit done that you need to get done
[11:53] snark1: i don't need a goddamn itinerary
A girl on my team always feels the need to tell me if she's going to Walgreens, lunch, needs to leave at 5:31 p.m. Mind you this is the same girl that needs instructions on how to wipe her ass so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. Nonetheless, still very annoying.
One day she asked me, "Do you anticipate me staying late today, because my friend is picking me up?" Um, really.
My response basically was "I don't know, dude, you tell me. Did you get done everything you needed to?"
-Signing off in San Francisco
[11:53] snark1: dude, can i just say that i hate when people tell me they are going to lunch
[11:53] snark1: fucking go to lunch, i don't care
[11:53] snark1: just get the shit done that you need to get done
[11:53] snark1: i don't need a goddamn itinerary
A girl on my team always feels the need to tell me if she's going to Walgreens, lunch, needs to leave at 5:31 p.m. Mind you this is the same girl that needs instructions on how to wipe her ass so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. Nonetheless, still very annoying.
One day she asked me, "Do you anticipate me staying late today, because my friend is picking me up?" Um, really.
My response basically was "I don't know, dude, you tell me. Did you get done everything you needed to?"
-Signing off in San Francisco
Thursday, May 15, 2008
FW: Please do NOT forward
Diplomacy, spinning, passive aggressiveness, etc. All of the above are used heavily in the world of PR(both for internal team and external client/reporter communications), which at times make for ambiguous interpretations. However, there are certain obvious things that just don't need to be spelled out in black and white. I mean, alright, you may need this one tiny little ability called "common sense" but other than that...
Here's the context. A "Girl" (I am referring to her as such) on my team is not cutting it and every day my patience with her continues to wane. Sure, we all know I am blunt in general, but I even feel like I'm turning into just a mean bitch every time she does something, well, stupid. Now on the bright side, it is also fully clear to the higher ups that Girl is in need of a massive kick in the ass - so she is fully on the way to getting a "PIP" (personal improvement plan a.k.a. the proverbial wake-up call to shape it up or get shipped out).
Anyway, I was insanely slammed one day and Girl was having one of her "stupid" moments so I deferred her to a Director, who normally doesn't work very closely with the team, but she had offered to lend a "helping" hand. Unfortunately, I had laid out in e-mail how dissatisfied I was with the document Girl was working on and basically used the "see, this is what I mean" tone.
This rant may seem as though I'm about to rip Girl a new one, but this actually is targeted squarely on Director as she proceeds to forward my initial e-mail to Girl.
Um, hello! Raising my hand! But how freaking hard would it have been to click on "New," attached document and hit send. Did I really need to spell out that this chain is NOT okay to forward - especially to the person that is being discussed!
To be fair, the e-mail really wasn't that scathing and I honestly would have given the same feedback to Girl directly (as I do like to be blunt in my critiques). But still, it definitely was correspondence that should have stayed between Director and me.
Point of story. My bad if you do something wrong because you misinterpreted something I said for being too verbose, vague, etc. But, smack in the face to you for missing the red flag, blinking sign, elephant in the room, big fat zit on your nose and doing something just stupid.
-Signing off from San Francisco
Here's the context. A "Girl" (I am referring to her as such) on my team is not cutting it and every day my patience with her continues to wane. Sure, we all know I am blunt in general, but I even feel like I'm turning into just a mean bitch every time she does something, well, stupid. Now on the bright side, it is also fully clear to the higher ups that Girl is in need of a massive kick in the ass - so she is fully on the way to getting a "PIP" (personal improvement plan a.k.a. the proverbial wake-up call to shape it up or get shipped out).
Anyway, I was insanely slammed one day and Girl was having one of her "stupid" moments so I deferred her to a Director, who normally doesn't work very closely with the team, but she had offered to lend a "helping" hand. Unfortunately, I had laid out in e-mail how dissatisfied I was with the document Girl was working on and basically used the "see, this is what I mean" tone.
This rant may seem as though I'm about to rip Girl a new one, but this actually is targeted squarely on Director as she proceeds to forward my initial e-mail to Girl.
Um, hello! Raising my hand! But how freaking hard would it have been to click on "New," attached document and hit send. Did I really need to spell out that this chain is NOT okay to forward - especially to the person that is being discussed!
To be fair, the e-mail really wasn't that scathing and I honestly would have given the same feedback to Girl directly (as I do like to be blunt in my critiques). But still, it definitely was correspondence that should have stayed between Director and me.
Point of story. My bad if you do something wrong because you misinterpreted something I said for being too verbose, vague, etc. But, smack in the face to you for missing the red flag, blinking sign, elephant in the room, big fat zit on your nose and doing something just stupid.
-Signing off from San Francisco
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Top 5 List- Signs that you are batshit
This time, the list is on the top five work annoyances that prove some people are just freaks.
In no particular order:
Tardiness:
Some people are always late to things. They usually rush into a room minutes after a meeting has already started, flustered and pink-cheeked, muttering excuses under their breath. People stare at them for an angry second and then the meeting goes on.
You know what?
Those people are asses.
Yeah, that's right, Miss I'm-Always-the-Last-Person-to-Show-Up- you are an ASS.
I'm not bitching about the person who is occasionally late because, hell, shit happens right? I don't have a perfect track record but I will try my goddamn hardest to be on time, on the dot, for meetings, in-person or on a call. Why? Because we all have better stuff to do with our day then wait around for the one or two fuck ups who just had to reheat their coffee or tea, or get a piece of chocolate from the kitchen, or want to finish their game of Scrabulous before heading off on the 10 foot walk to the conference room.
It's not a quirk. It's not part of your personality. It's just you acting like an asshole.
Look at it this way- when people are always late to events, meetings, dates, it tells me that they don't give a flying fuck about me or the other people who have to wait for them. Intentional or not, it's not acceptable and I don't care how many excuses these people have to fall back on, they're being disrespectful.
Having a disgusting workspace:
If I have to step over the pile of trash to talk to you in your cube, something is wrong. If I can barely find a space to stand in, if I'm sneezing because there's a layer of dust over everything around you, and if that old discarded Snickers wrapper is moving by itself- something is wrong.
Sorry, just because you work here doesn't mean you own the space. I've been in work areas where there are several file piles taller than me and a strange, rotten scent lingers in the air. It's not at all endearing. It's actually quite frightening.
(A side note here- there's a messy desk and then there's just disgusting. A messy desk is usually had by someone who is crazy busy but has a method to their madness. Their desks are usually covered in papers that they need at a grabbing distance. A disgusting desk means that you're not quite sure there is a desk in the cube but you would assume there is one because the crazy mosaic of trash over there is shaped vaguely like a flat surface with four legs.)
We all work really hard and sometimes we just throw stuff aside in our daily work lives because other things take our attention. It's cool. I am all for people figuring out their own systems, their own way of getting shit done. I cringe when people try to impose their way of doing something - because they think it's the only way - on other people. That's not fair to anyone. There's one guy I use to work with that never took notes during meetings. He remembered everything though so I wasn't going to tell him to take notes just because it worked for me. Also, I will manage my inbox the way I want to, thankyouverymuch.
But a messy work space just tells me you're dirty.
If you need teddy bears (note the plural form here), figurines, old tin canisters, three dead plants and empty plastic bags around you to function like a normal human being, here's a newsflash- it isn't working.
Clean your shit up, Pigpen. This isn't Peanuts and you are not cute.
Stealing a conference room/something from someone else's desk:
...in the right mood, I would cut someone's throat for lesser offences.
Eating my lunch:
I always label my lunch and yet, at three different agencies, I've had my lunch stolen from me no less than four times.
Clearly, there are geniuses at work here.I mean, seriously? What the fuck kind of deterrent would keep a jerk like this away from a bag that's clearly labeled? Automatic Mace? Do I need to stand guard in front of the refrigerator to protect the virture of my lunch?
Since you work, I'm assuming you have money. Buy your own lunch, you fucking pig.
Not sure if you can tell but this one really pisses me off.
Asking me if I'm busy when- no shit, Sherlock- it's clear I am:
If I'm staring crazily at my monitor and my fingers are flying over the keyboard, or if I have a headset on and I'm scribbling notes in my notebook, the safe assumption would be that I'm in the middle of something. Right?
Children at age five- or six-years of age have the cognitive ability to correctly assess a situation and plan next steps.
Do you mean to tell me that you're dumber than a six year-old?
Anyway, one day I am going to keel over in my cube and just fall down dead on the spot of a stress-induced heart attack. Seriously, I need to take up yoga or something or the freaks at work will lead to my early death.
-Signing off in Seattle
In no particular order:
Tardiness:
Some people are always late to things. They usually rush into a room minutes after a meeting has already started, flustered and pink-cheeked, muttering excuses under their breath. People stare at them for an angry second and then the meeting goes on.
You know what?
Those people are asses.
Yeah, that's right, Miss I'm-Always-the-Last-Person-to-Show-Up- you are an ASS.
I'm not bitching about the person who is occasionally late because, hell, shit happens right? I don't have a perfect track record but I will try my goddamn hardest to be on time, on the dot, for meetings, in-person or on a call. Why? Because we all have better stuff to do with our day then wait around for the one or two fuck ups who just had to reheat their coffee or tea, or get a piece of chocolate from the kitchen, or want to finish their game of Scrabulous before heading off on the 10 foot walk to the conference room.
It's not a quirk. It's not part of your personality. It's just you acting like an asshole.
Look at it this way- when people are always late to events, meetings, dates, it tells me that they don't give a flying fuck about me or the other people who have to wait for them. Intentional or not, it's not acceptable and I don't care how many excuses these people have to fall back on, they're being disrespectful.
Having a disgusting workspace:
If I have to step over the pile of trash to talk to you in your cube, something is wrong. If I can barely find a space to stand in, if I'm sneezing because there's a layer of dust over everything around you, and if that old discarded Snickers wrapper is moving by itself- something is wrong.
Sorry, just because you work here doesn't mean you own the space. I've been in work areas where there are several file piles taller than me and a strange, rotten scent lingers in the air. It's not at all endearing. It's actually quite frightening.
(A side note here- there's a messy desk and then there's just disgusting. A messy desk is usually had by someone who is crazy busy but has a method to their madness. Their desks are usually covered in papers that they need at a grabbing distance. A disgusting desk means that you're not quite sure there is a desk in the cube but you would assume there is one because the crazy mosaic of trash over there is shaped vaguely like a flat surface with four legs.)
We all work really hard and sometimes we just throw stuff aside in our daily work lives because other things take our attention. It's cool. I am all for people figuring out their own systems, their own way of getting shit done. I cringe when people try to impose their way of doing something - because they think it's the only way - on other people. That's not fair to anyone. There's one guy I use to work with that never took notes during meetings. He remembered everything though so I wasn't going to tell him to take notes just because it worked for me. Also, I will manage my inbox the way I want to, thankyouverymuch.
But a messy work space just tells me you're dirty.
If you need teddy bears (note the plural form here), figurines, old tin canisters, three dead plants and empty plastic bags around you to function like a normal human being, here's a newsflash- it isn't working.
Clean your shit up, Pigpen. This isn't Peanuts and you are not cute.
Stealing a conference room/something from someone else's desk:
...in the right mood, I would cut someone's throat for lesser offences.
Eating my lunch:
I always label my lunch and yet, at three different agencies, I've had my lunch stolen from me no less than four times.
Clearly, there are geniuses at work here.
Since you work, I'm assuming you have money. Buy your own lunch, you fucking pig.
Not sure if you can tell but this one really pisses me off.
Asking me if I'm busy when- no shit, Sherlock- it's clear I am:
If I'm staring crazily at my monitor and my fingers are flying over the keyboard, or if I have a headset on and I'm scribbling notes in my notebook, the safe assumption would be that I'm in the middle of something. Right?
Children at age five- or six-years of age have the cognitive ability to correctly assess a situation and plan next steps.
Do you mean to tell me that you're dumber than a six year-old?
Anyway, one day I am going to keel over in my cube and just fall down dead on the spot of a stress-induced heart attack. Seriously, I need to take up yoga or something or the freaks at work will lead to my early death.
-Signing off in Seattle
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Now for a taste of something different: The Emissary of Peace
Of all the titles I want to hold, the Emissary of Peace is among the top 10. It sounds super cool but unfortunately it doesn't really apply to me. Clearly, from my past posts, I am an angry, angry girl.
This weekend, I'll get to watch the guy who the real Emissary of Peace reports to. You may have heard of him- he answers to the title Dalai Lama.
The Dalai Lama will be speaking at Qwest Field this Saturday (more information below) and obviously, lots of press want to be at the event. Guess what? If they want to get in, they have to go through a PR agency.
Which (HA) happens to be the one I work for.
I'll be managing a reporter section (oh, joy!) which is a bit of a surprise because I was expecting to be an usher or other kind of grunt but whatever. I'm just happy to be around for this event. That sounds cheesy but I'm really glad I have the chance to volunteer.
The event is called Seeds of Compassion and is about, "providing the fundamental foundations for happiness and success in children, their lives and the society they live in. Those foundations which are critical for success in school and in life include Early Learning, Cognitive Development and Social-Emotional development."
I majored in Child Psychology, with an emphasis on Psycholinguistics (yes, it deserves all inital capitalizations) so my interest is always perked up when I hear of an event or a cause that aims to help children, you know, not FAIL. I think the most important thing that parents can pass on to their children is respect. Respect for themselves, other living creatures and the environment. Once they have respect down, they are set for life. Compassion is just the cherry on top of the Respect sundae, y'all.
This is probably going to be a grueling, brutal event. Reporters can be mean (and yes, PR people can be asinine) but hopefully we can all get together and act compassionate and respectful towards one another for at least a few hours this weekend.
Otherwise, I'm kicking them out of the press box. Just sayin'.
SEEDS OF COMPASSION GATHERING
APRIL 11–15, 2008, SEATTLE, WA
http://www.seedsofcompassion.org/event/
An unprecedented gathering to engage the hearts and minds of our community by highlighting the vision, science, and programs of early social, emotional, and cognitive learning.
Anchored by the deep wisdom of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, this community–focused event will celebrate and explore the relationships, programs and tools that nurture and empower children, families and communities to be compassionate members of society.
Each of the five days will provide parents, educators, business and community leaders with an opportunity to better understand the real benefits of compassion, and concrete steps on how to bring compassion into their lives.
-Signing off in Seattle
This weekend, I'll get to watch the guy who the real Emissary of Peace reports to. You may have heard of him- he answers to the title Dalai Lama.
The Dalai Lama will be speaking at Qwest Field this Saturday (more information below) and obviously, lots of press want to be at the event. Guess what? If they want to get in, they have to go through a PR agency.
Which (HA) happens to be the one I work for.
I'll be managing a reporter section (oh, joy!) which is a bit of a surprise because I was expecting to be an usher or other kind of grunt but whatever. I'm just happy to be around for this event. That sounds cheesy but I'm really glad I have the chance to volunteer.
The event is called Seeds of Compassion and is about, "providing the fundamental foundations for happiness and success in children, their lives and the society they live in. Those foundations which are critical for success in school and in life include Early Learning, Cognitive Development and Social-Emotional development."
I majored in Child Psychology, with an emphasis on Psycholinguistics (yes, it deserves all inital capitalizations) so my interest is always perked up when I hear of an event or a cause that aims to help children, you know, not FAIL. I think the most important thing that parents can pass on to their children is respect. Respect for themselves, other living creatures and the environment. Once they have respect down, they are set for life. Compassion is just the cherry on top of the Respect sundae, y'all.
This is probably going to be a grueling, brutal event. Reporters can be mean (and yes, PR people can be asinine) but hopefully we can all get together and act compassionate and respectful towards one another for at least a few hours this weekend.
Otherwise, I'm kicking them out of the press box. Just sayin'.
SEEDS OF COMPASSION GATHERING
APRIL 11–15, 2008, SEATTLE, WA
http://www.seedsofcompassion.org/event/
An unprecedented gathering to engage the hearts and minds of our community by highlighting the vision, science, and programs of early social, emotional, and cognitive learning.
Anchored by the deep wisdom of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, this community–focused event will celebrate and explore the relationships, programs and tools that nurture and empower children, families and communities to be compassionate members of society.
Each of the five days will provide parents, educators, business and community leaders with an opportunity to better understand the real benefits of compassion, and concrete steps on how to bring compassion into their lives.
-Signing off in Seattle
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
:)
Seattle and I clearly have a LOT of work pet peeves, but there is one that seriously and truly makes me want to throw a fucking stapler at someone's head.
The smiley face emoticon. My eyes involuntarily rolled at the thought of it.
Here's my unsolicited piece of advice for the day:
A smiley face emoticon in IM may be OK on occasion. A smiley face emoticon in an email every once in a while...fine, I will let this one slide (no one is perfect). A smiley face emoticon after every annoying and passive aggressive comment does NOT make that comment any less annoying. So, stop it. STOP.
Part of the reason I hate this commonly used feature is due largely to this woman I work with, who I do happen to think is very smart and good at her job. She's fairly aggressive and that's something I actually like about her, BUT she can at times cross that line to pushy and overbearing, which is usually in the form of a very obvious or passive aggressive statement...immediately followed by, you guessed it, a smiley face:)
I assume she thinks this helps ease the blow of an annoying comment and let's the person feel like they're not getting the smack down - but it doesn't. Nor does it make me think any nicer thoughts about her. It's along the same vein as someone making a racist comment, but saying they're not racist. Come on. We all know that one is a facade.
So I suppose my second piece of advice would be to just lay it out on the table and don't make any apologies for it. If it's warranted, and more importantly, correct then you've got nothing to worry about.
Class dismissed.
-Signing off from San Francisco
The smiley face emoticon. My eyes involuntarily rolled at the thought of it.
Here's my unsolicited piece of advice for the day:
A smiley face emoticon in IM may be OK on occasion. A smiley face emoticon in an email every once in a while...fine, I will let this one slide (no one is perfect). A smiley face emoticon after every annoying and passive aggressive comment does NOT make that comment any less annoying. So, stop it. STOP.
Part of the reason I hate this commonly used feature is due largely to this woman I work with, who I do happen to think is very smart and good at her job. She's fairly aggressive and that's something I actually like about her, BUT she can at times cross that line to pushy and overbearing, which is usually in the form of a very obvious or passive aggressive statement...immediately followed by, you guessed it, a smiley face:)
I assume she thinks this helps ease the blow of an annoying comment and let's the person feel like they're not getting the smack down - but it doesn't. Nor does it make me think any nicer thoughts about her. It's along the same vein as someone making a racist comment, but saying they're not racist. Come on. We all know that one is a facade.
So I suppose my second piece of advice would be to just lay it out on the table and don't make any apologies for it. If it's warranted, and more importantly, correct then you've got nothing to worry about.
Class dismissed.
-Signing off from San Francisco
Friday, April 4, 2008
We are not a start-up. No pets allowed.
I like animals. Especially cute, furry ones with big round eyes and sweet dispositions. I've never hurt an animal. It's one of the reasons why I'm a vegetarian.
However, I don't want to be around animals at certain times of the day. Let's say, between 8:30 a.m.-5:30 p.m. on weekdays. To be more specific, let's say around 12:00 - 1:00 p.m.
One of the reporters we work with (on another team) decided to bring his dog into our office during an in-person meeting with a client. S'all fine and good, right?
Wrong.
The dog in question was being baby-(dog)sat by a few of the folks on that team and, okay, it's a Friday, but come on. We still have to work for our other clients. If you bring your dog to a restaurant, you don't expect the waitstaff to dogsit, do you? This is an office setting. If you decide to bring your dog with you to a meeting, why not keep it with you-
-where you can see it-
...and clean up after it when it vomits and pisses.
No joke, folks. The little bitch (I'm allowed- it's a female dog) threw up. In our kitchen. On the seat at the table. While a bunch of us were eating lunch.
That's abso-fucking-lutely unacceptable in my book. And I know the folks on that team thought I was being particularly prissy when I got up and moved my food to another table (muttering obscenitites all the way) but that's disgusting. I may not have grown up around dogs but I draw the line at eating my lunch two feet away from chunky dog vomit. And yes, I will complain- I reserve the fucking right to complain. Of all the places in the damn office you could take that dog, why choose to let it hang out in the kitchen where people are eating?
Considering that it pissed in the hallway outside the kitchen a few minutes later, I would think the folks dogsitting finally realized that maybe the dog was better off with its owner. I don't care if they thought I was being a horrible person by picking sullenly at my food (vomit+tofu, mushrooms, and brown rice=unappetizing); I was just wondering when the light bulb would finally turn on over their heads and they realized, hmm, maybe she's nervous being around a bunch of strangers without her owner.
At the end of the day, I know it's not the dog's fault. She was a cute little bitch (seriously, I like saying that) but her owner was an ass.
-Signing off from Seattle
However, I don't want to be around animals at certain times of the day. Let's say, between 8:30 a.m.-5:30 p.m. on weekdays. To be more specific, let's say around 12:00 - 1:00 p.m.
One of the reporters we work with (on another team) decided to bring his dog into our office during an in-person meeting with a client. S'all fine and good, right?
Wrong.
The dog in question was being baby-(dog)sat by a few of the folks on that team and, okay, it's a Friday, but come on. We still have to work for our other clients. If you bring your dog to a restaurant, you don't expect the waitstaff to dogsit, do you? This is an office setting. If you decide to bring your dog with you to a meeting, why not keep it with you-
-where you can see it-
...and clean up after it when it vomits and pisses.
No joke, folks. The little bitch (I'm allowed- it's a female dog) threw up. In our kitchen. On the seat at the table. While a bunch of us were eating lunch.
That's abso-fucking-lutely unacceptable in my book. And I know the folks on that team thought I was being particularly prissy when I got up and moved my food to another table (muttering obscenitites all the way) but that's disgusting. I may not have grown up around dogs but I draw the line at eating my lunch two feet away from chunky dog vomit. And yes, I will complain- I reserve the fucking right to complain. Of all the places in the damn office you could take that dog, why choose to let it hang out in the kitchen where people are eating?
Considering that it pissed in the hallway outside the kitchen a few minutes later, I would think the folks dogsitting finally realized that maybe the dog was better off with its owner. I don't care if they thought I was being a horrible person by picking sullenly at my food (vomit+tofu, mushrooms, and brown rice=unappetizing); I was just wondering when the light bulb would finally turn on over their heads and they realized, hmm, maybe she's nervous being around a bunch of strangers without her owner.
At the end of the day, I know it's not the dog's fault. She was a cute little bitch (seriously, I like saying that) but her owner was an ass.
-Signing off from Seattle
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