There is no "I" in team...

...therefore the team SUCKS.

First of all, Happy Valentines Day! No seriously, I hope everyone had a great day today. I know I did.

The day started off with our lovely Operations team passing out glorious icing-laden cupcakes (or as I like to think of them, little bits of 'better than sex') to everyone in the office. I know, seriously, we have it good here. I like to fancy myself a vegan 23.99999 hours of the day but there was no effing way I was going to pass up having a cupcake for breakfast.

Anyway, about six hours later, someone sent out an email saying "Thank you" to the Operations team. It was absolutely well-deserved, yes indeed. And it needed to be said.

However, the twenty fucking emails that followed- all with little jokes and one-liners- were not needed. Fuck that. It may be 4:00 p.m. and we may only have an hour and a half left in the day but Shut. The. Fuck. Up. People.

Quit typing and step away from your keyboards. I don't care if you have to gnaw off your goddamn fingers to resist the urge to hit "Reply All" but I don't give a shit about what you have to say regarding those cupcakes from this morning. If you want to have a conversation (which clearly is the case), walk your ass over to the person who wrote the last email and speak to them. You are not witty, you are not funny and you are most definitely not amusing those of us who have to hit delete everytime Re: Cupcake Heaven appears in their inbox.

My coworker, who shall remain nameless, made some comment about me not being a team player. What the hell does being a team player have to do with being annoyed at the fact that I'm getting SPAMMED? You'd think if these people were really team players they'd shut their traps and quit filling my inbox with inane chatter about.... cupcakes.

I was so irritated that I took time out of my billable hours to rant. Clearly, those Re: Cupcake Heaven people aren't working either, are they?

-Signing off from Seattle

Holy Shit...You ARE Clueless

So for the past month or so I've been slaving away at a press release. Now, that may seem like quite some time, but it is almost unimaginable how many people have to take a look at the stupid thing and how many people have to provide their 2 cents. And how much effort it takes to put the smack down on people complaining because their lame nonsensical, parochial additions couldn't make it in. Anyway, that's a whole separate blogworthy topic.

So, for the past 2 weeks my team has been pitching the news from this release and working together on other collateral. This is all per the usual, blah blah nothing new. I walk over to the CE's (equivalent to AAE) cube and we are chatting about account activity and I mention the release. Her question to me is:

Stop. Prepare, because this is a good one.

"Oh, what press release are you working on?"

Silence. Lots of eye blinks. The only response I could muster up was, "Is that a serious question?"

-Signing off from San Francisco

Just a Quickie

This is similar, but not quite as asinine as questions from "Don't Believe What Your Mother Told You..."

A conversation that left me a bit baffled. After spending an unacceptable amount of time editing someone else's sub-par work...

Me: "This is much better please send out tonight."

Associate: "OK! Can I buzz you, I just want to make sure I send it to everyone I'm supposed to."

Me: Sigh. "Just send it to the same distro I sent the release out to."

Associate: "OK! Well, I'm not sure who that is."

Me: Pause. Hold sigh. "Look for my e-mail. If you can't find it I can just tell you."

Associate: "OK! Let me look."

2 minutes later...

Associate: "OK! I think I found it. Is it X, Y and Z?"

Me: Heavy sigh. Eye roll. "No."

-Signing off from San Francisco

It's Gettin' Hot in Herre

The Weather Channel predicts rain today, but at a somewhat moderate 55 degrees Fahrenheit. I'd call that a little brisk but not severe enough to pull out my winter coat, gloves, scarf and earmuffs.

But apparently MUNI thinks 55 degrees warrants the heater to be blasted on high. I mean really HIGH, as in it's so fucking loud I can barely hear my iPod music even though the little dial is turned all the way up. So high, beads of sweat were forming on my forehead, neck and back.

I think MUNI also forgets one important thing: Packing 50 people on a bus generates a decent amount of body heat, which is accompanied with a nice musky filled atmosphere.

- Signing off in San Francisco

I Mean It...Seriously

I'll be the first to admit that blogging about the wonderful world of PR is a bit vapid. I mean, seriously, who really cares? (except for those that wallow in it every day, I suppose)

So today I felt the urge to blog about a topic that seriously irks me. It revolves around this question: "Are we in a culture war with the nativists?" The "we," from my perspective, being anyone non-Caucasian.

Um, silence. Something I never really thought about.

Read this editorial piece that I came across today by Ruben Navarrette who presented this thought. It discusses several valid points and disturbing examples about the saliency of racial discrimination. And not just the fact that it's wrong to discriminate, but that said question is one of the underlying fears that drive it.

"It's the perception that the country is becoming more Hispanic, that Spanish is replacing English, that Hispanic immigrants are weakening American identity, and that Main Street is turning into Little Mexico."

Ruben's above comment and POV is from the Hispanic community, but this sentiment can be applied to any racial group. More importantly, it's a paradigm of thinking for cultural hegemony, i.e. middle-class, white, Christian male.

We all tend to live in our parochial worlds, but what is supposedly unique and amazing about the good 'ole US of A is that we embrace, integrate and are made up of races/cultures/religions from all over the world. At least this is the ideology I adhere to.

My snarky attitude may give the illusion that I'm a pessimist, but don't be fooled, I am as optimistic as they come. I believe that this doesn't have to be a fallacy, HOWEVER, I'm also insanely rational and my rational brain tells me what white America really wants is to be just that. Ignorance is bliss and homogeneity allows for simple brains to lead simple lives.

OK, so we're but a baby of a Nation and in that time have come a long way, but that's not a good enough excuse to rationalize the racial injustice that happens 24/7. These acts range from the extreme (e.g. Japanese American internment camps), to the major (e.g. townspeople flatly nixing bilingual story time & insisting on English-only books in libraries), to the everyday minor (e.g. being asked "where are you from" with the expected answer NOT being "Colorado").

So do I have a point? I suppose it's as simple as awareness. It's at least somewhat encouraging to know that people are aware of the major to the subtle acts they do that advocate the belief that there's only room for one type of "we."

- Signing off from San Francisco

No matter where I work...

... it's always about ten degrees below what I would consider comfortable. I've had four jobs now that have required me to sit and stare at a screen for long periods of time and everywhere I've been, there comes a moment when I realize that I'm about a sweater away from frostbite.

Granted, I work in Seattle now and it's far colder in the winter time than in San Francisco but seriously, folks- hasn't anyone heard of this great invention called air conditioning?

I looked it up (um, after hours, of course) and even the fucking Romans had air conditioning. It baffles me that management thinks 50 degress is the optimal working temperature for people who sit still.... and don't move... except to type.

If I can barely feel my fingers as I type this entry- and I'm rocking thick tights, a sweater and a scarf - then it's too fucking cold. If the tip of my nose can cut steel and my breath comes out in puffs of smoke - then it's too fucking cold.

If the fucking animal cast of March of the Penguins is filming in the cube next to me and my secret stash of vodka is frozen in my drawer... I think you know where I'm going with this.

Eff it. I'm setting my action item list on fire for warmth.

-Signing off in Seattle (Antarctica)

Big Pussy

My client has these two nagging qualities that make working with him, um, somewhat difficult. These qualities are MIA-ness and being a Big Pussy (as we affectionately call him).

My frustration can succinctly be summed up in this haiku.

Where art thou BP?
Swimming with the jellyfish
Shirking all duties

- Signing off from San Francisco