So I'm not sure if it's kosher for me to complain about blogging on my blog, but I am.
I've been meaning to write a new post for a while, because I had several snarky things to say about things like tradeshows and wretched Valentine's Day at the office, amongst other topics. But finding the time at work (which is the only time I can blog, as it's where my inspiration stems and bitterness peaks) can be difficult, and sometimes it just ends up feeling like an action item.
So, here are all the things I've been meaning to say so that I can cross this action off my list and have some peace of mind.
Tradeshows
Pointless events that result in absolutely nothing except for sore feet and wasted time. It's funny, because several of my clients find that they get most of their sales leads through online efforts, yet they still decide to puddle through these things because their competitors are going or it's considered "the biggest show of xyz."
Now, from a PR perspective there are some good opportunities to get a few media briefings and get some face time with the client and reporters, but in reality is this worth the stress of preparation, plane ticket, hotel room, food and drinks, cost of entertaining client, blisters, time and most importantly....boredom? The boredom of walking the show floor, squinting at every goober that walks by in hopes they're the tech editor your client has been dying to meet with.
Not even schwag can make these events worthwhile.
Valentine's Day
In general, this day is a lame excuse for people to profess their love and appreciation for their significant other. However, some people (mainly women that work at an office) find this day to be a competitive event.
Who will get the biggest, most extravagant, gratuitous display of flowers? Winners to be announced no later than 12 p.m. PST.
And, oh, the poor boyfriend who was a bad puppy and either a) forgot to send flowers; b) sent flowers, but not to her office to display on her desk; or c) sent carnations because his sensible head couldn't rationalize spending $75 or more on things that will die in a few days.
*Note to this poor soul: Please wear a long sleeve shirt and protective eyewear to minimize scarring from the claws.
Coffee
Why is our office coffee so bad? I'm not going to blame Peet's, but when my coffee/cream ratio is 40/60, something's not right.
-Signing off from San Francisco
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Friday, February 9, 2007
Powerpoint: The Killer App
I spent all of yesterday trapped in a room full of people, staring at Powerpoint presentations. There were about, oh, 13 presenters and each one had their own special presentation to show off. I sat in the most uncomfortable chair on the planet, listening to people who were essentially reading off every single word on each slide in their respective presentations.
If that isn't a preview of the Ninth Level of Hell, then I don't know what is.
Now I know I look deceptively young. I'm small. I have youthful features. Hell, I get carded when I try to order a latte at Starbucks but what on God's green earth gave these people the idea that I didn't know how to read?
Maybe it was out of courtesy that they didn't deviate from the words on the screen because... I could not read them. Unless you were a cat (and sadly, none of the humans in the room were) I don't think anyone could have read anything on the screen. I don't think anyone who sat more than a foot away from the massive 8x8 ft screen could read anything. It's hard to when the font is the size of sand granules.
I effing HATE Powerpoint presentations or, as I like to call them, "Satan's reading material for the damned."
I don't think they are a necessary evil. They're just evil - as in 'sacrifice a goat and chant White Snake lyrics backwards' evil. Whoever invented the Powerpoint at Microsoft should get their ass kicked, no joke.
But seriously, it is a business tool and maybe, used effectively, they could be helpful. The problem is Powerpoints are almost never used effectively.
People do stupid shit sometimes- they ride motocycles without helmets, they buy full price at Banana Republic, and they try to cram as many words as possible into 30 or more slides and think others will care.
The odd thing is, people seem to rely on slide presentations to the point of dependency. I'm in the communications industry yet a lot of the people I work with just don't get that Powerpoints are the worst way to communicate with someone. When asked for data, the first application people usually click on is the Powerpoint icon.
Why? Whatever happened to innovation? Creativity? Thinking outside of the box (or in this case, slide)?
What happened to talking?
The end goal of a Powerpoint is to express an idea and what usually happens is that any spark of brilliance or true original thought is lost in a hideous, chaotic mess of words and ridiculous images.
By the end of the day yesterday, I was ready to stab my eyes with the little plastic sporks my client had so kindly provided for me to use during our 'working' lunch. Seriously. I was ready to slash someone's (preferably a presenter's) tires. See how they liked being trapped with no escape.
I know that each time I have to work on a Powerpoint presentation, the Devil is setting aside my own little spot in Hell.
-Signing off from Seattle
If that isn't a preview of the Ninth Level of Hell, then I don't know what is.
Now I know I look deceptively young. I'm small. I have youthful features. Hell, I get carded when I try to order a latte at Starbucks but what on God's green earth gave these people the idea that I didn't know how to read?
Maybe it was out of courtesy that they didn't deviate from the words on the screen because... I could not read them. Unless you were a cat (and sadly, none of the humans in the room were) I don't think anyone could have read anything on the screen. I don't think anyone who sat more than a foot away from the massive 8x8 ft screen could read anything. It's hard to when the font is the size of sand granules.
I effing HATE Powerpoint presentations or, as I like to call them, "Satan's reading material for the damned."
I don't think they are a necessary evil. They're just evil - as in 'sacrifice a goat and chant White Snake lyrics backwards' evil. Whoever invented the Powerpoint at Microsoft should get their ass kicked, no joke.
But seriously, it is a business tool and maybe, used effectively, they could be helpful. The problem is Powerpoints are almost never used effectively.
People do stupid shit sometimes- they ride motocycles without helmets, they buy full price at Banana Republic, and they try to cram as many words as possible into 30 or more slides and think others will care.
The odd thing is, people seem to rely on slide presentations to the point of dependency. I'm in the communications industry yet a lot of the people I work with just don't get that Powerpoints are the worst way to communicate with someone. When asked for data, the first application people usually click on is the Powerpoint icon.
Why? Whatever happened to innovation? Creativity? Thinking outside of the box (or in this case, slide)?
What happened to talking?
The end goal of a Powerpoint is to express an idea and what usually happens is that any spark of brilliance or true original thought is lost in a hideous, chaotic mess of words and ridiculous images.
By the end of the day yesterday, I was ready to stab my eyes with the little plastic sporks my client had so kindly provided for me to use during our 'working' lunch. Seriously. I was ready to slash someone's (preferably a presenter's) tires. See how they liked being trapped with no escape.
I know that each time I have to work on a Powerpoint presentation, the Devil is setting aside my own little spot in Hell.
-Signing off from Seattle
Update: Donde Esta El "Crapper?"
It's my belief that the office "Crapper" has not left the building (as we all originally thought when a certain someone got the boot). For those who need a reminder on the bathroom atrocities that go on in the ladies room, please refer to the December 6th blog entry, "Crap..."
It's 6:55 p.m. and I am leaving the office to wait 20 minutes in the rain for the bus. So I decide it best to use the ladies room before leaving.
Now, I was fortunate enough not to see what someone had for dinner the night before left in the toilet bowl, but someone did leave the toilet seat cover plainly on the seat.
Seriously, people. How hard is it to a.) put all expendable toilet items IN the toilet; b.) turn around and make sure it made it in; and c.) flush.
So suffice it to say, this seems very much like something the Crapper would do, so I think I'll tread with caution when entering any stalls from now on.
That's all.
-Signing off from San Francisco
It's 6:55 p.m. and I am leaving the office to wait 20 minutes in the rain for the bus. So I decide it best to use the ladies room before leaving.
Now, I was fortunate enough not to see what someone had for dinner the night before left in the toilet bowl, but someone did leave the toilet seat cover plainly on the seat.
Seriously, people. How hard is it to a.) put all expendable toilet items IN the toilet; b.) turn around and make sure it made it in; and c.) flush.
So suffice it to say, this seems very much like something the Crapper would do, so I think I'll tread with caution when entering any stalls from now on.
That's all.
-Signing off from San Francisco
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