It's Gettin' Hot in Herre

The Weather Channel predicts rain today, but at a somewhat moderate 55 degrees Fahrenheit. I'd call that a little brisk but not severe enough to pull out my winter coat, gloves, scarf and earmuffs.

But apparently MUNI thinks 55 degrees warrants the heater to be blasted on high. I mean really HIGH, as in it's so fucking loud I can barely hear my iPod music even though the little dial is turned all the way up. So high, beads of sweat were forming on my forehead, neck and back.

I think MUNI also forgets one important thing: Packing 50 people on a bus generates a decent amount of body heat, which is accompanied with a nice musky filled atmosphere.

- Signing off in San Francisco

I Mean It...Seriously

I'll be the first to admit that blogging about the wonderful world of PR is a bit vapid. I mean, seriously, who really cares? (except for those that wallow in it every day, I suppose)

So today I felt the urge to blog about a topic that seriously irks me. It revolves around this question: "Are we in a culture war with the nativists?" The "we," from my perspective, being anyone non-Caucasian.

Um, silence. Something I never really thought about.

Read this editorial piece that I came across today by Ruben Navarrette who presented this thought. It discusses several valid points and disturbing examples about the saliency of racial discrimination. And not just the fact that it's wrong to discriminate, but that said question is one of the underlying fears that drive it.

"It's the perception that the country is becoming more Hispanic, that Spanish is replacing English, that Hispanic immigrants are weakening American identity, and that Main Street is turning into Little Mexico."

Ruben's above comment and POV is from the Hispanic community, but this sentiment can be applied to any racial group. More importantly, it's a paradigm of thinking for cultural hegemony, i.e. middle-class, white, Christian male.

We all tend to live in our parochial worlds, but what is supposedly unique and amazing about the good 'ole US of A is that we embrace, integrate and are made up of races/cultures/religions from all over the world. At least this is the ideology I adhere to.

My snarky attitude may give the illusion that I'm a pessimist, but don't be fooled, I am as optimistic as they come. I believe that this doesn't have to be a fallacy, HOWEVER, I'm also insanely rational and my rational brain tells me what white America really wants is to be just that. Ignorance is bliss and homogeneity allows for simple brains to lead simple lives.

OK, so we're but a baby of a Nation and in that time have come a long way, but that's not a good enough excuse to rationalize the racial injustice that happens 24/7. These acts range from the extreme (e.g. Japanese American internment camps), to the major (e.g. townspeople flatly nixing bilingual story time & insisting on English-only books in libraries), to the everyday minor (e.g. being asked "where are you from" with the expected answer NOT being "Colorado").

So do I have a point? I suppose it's as simple as awareness. It's at least somewhat encouraging to know that people are aware of the major to the subtle acts they do that advocate the belief that there's only room for one type of "we."

- Signing off from San Francisco

No matter where I work...

... it's always about ten degrees below what I would consider comfortable. I've had four jobs now that have required me to sit and stare at a screen for long periods of time and everywhere I've been, there comes a moment when I realize that I'm about a sweater away from frostbite.

Granted, I work in Seattle now and it's far colder in the winter time than in San Francisco but seriously, folks- hasn't anyone heard of this great invention called air conditioning?

I looked it up (um, after hours, of course) and even the fucking Romans had air conditioning. It baffles me that management thinks 50 degress is the optimal working temperature for people who sit still.... and don't move... except to type.

If I can barely feel my fingers as I type this entry- and I'm rocking thick tights, a sweater and a scarf - then it's too fucking cold. If the tip of my nose can cut steel and my breath comes out in puffs of smoke - then it's too fucking cold.

If the fucking animal cast of March of the Penguins is filming in the cube next to me and my secret stash of vodka is frozen in my drawer... I think you know where I'm going with this.

Eff it. I'm setting my action item list on fire for warmth.

-Signing off in Seattle (Antarctica)

Big Pussy

My client has these two nagging qualities that make working with him, um, somewhat difficult. These qualities are MIA-ness and being a Big Pussy (as we affectionately call him).

My frustration can succinctly be summed up in this haiku.

Where art thou BP?
Swimming with the jellyfish
Shirking all duties

- Signing off from San Francisco

I am LAME

And here is why:

1) I started my work day - in the office - at 6:30 a.m. PT.

2) I patiently waited on a conference line for 5...10...15 minutes as my client stood me and everyone else whose time he wanted to waste.

3) Only to promptly get on another conference call at 7 a.m. PT, sharp.

4) I lead 2 teams, yet had to do a weekly coverage search, which directly leads to the last reason why I am lame...

5) Note the day: Friday. Note the current time: 8:37 p.m. PT. Note my location: still in the mother fucking office.

Peace, dudes. I am done being lame.

-Signing off from San Francisco

You remember how to breathe... how?

There are groups of people in the workplace that everyone has, or will, come across. So far, San Francisco and I have written about the Eager Entitled Beaver (painfully young new hires who think the world of themselves) and the Power Rangers (folks who think their titles give them the right to act like they're beyond human).

There's another group that exists that baffles the hell out of me- the Incompetents.

The biggest compliment anyone can give you, in any job setting, is that you get it.

It.

The mystical It encompasses many things. You understand your industry, you learn by paying attention, asking questions and from your mistakes (and other people's mistakes) and you have a big, fat dose of Common Sense. The last is the most important and thus deserves capital letters.

I am quickly learning that Common Sense is not as common as the phrase might make it seem. Working with certain people have highlighted this to me in screaming orange ink with a neon green underline.

There's so much I could say in this post about the incompetence of some people but really, that could get me fired, no? I won't repeat tales told to me about such people in confused, yet infuriated, whispers. Because such people are confusing and... infuriating... and the rest of us can only talk about them through whispers because the extent of their incompetence leaves us nearly speechless.

The rest of us, the ones who were clearly in line the day the Great Almighty handed out the wondrous gift of Common Sense, all know the secret handshakes that come with having to work with an Incompetent. You know them- I bet you've done them before and shared them with colleagues:

-The eye roll of impatience
-The open mouth of speechlessness
-The stunned, quick blinking of disbelief
-The almost reflexive clenching of the hand
-The deep sigh of (mental) pain

There are more handshakes, I am sure, but I think these are the most common.

Now the group is made up of people who are generally smart people (they've made it up to this point without getting run over by a bus, in any case) but for some reason, just can't seem to get their shit together.

They drop the ball on projects, they forget to ask simple but important questions, they can't seem to learn from their environment. They don't listen or they forget things they've been asked to do. They don't take notes- or if they do, they're either bad notes or they lose them. They can't seem to create systems that help them succeed. They don't see the big picture (which doesn't make sense because they don't seem to notice the details, either).

They are missing that mysterious It factor that I wrote about earlier. Sure, they can write sentences and answer the phone. They sure as hell can nod. They can do basic office work. But making mental leaps of deduction, looking forward and planning ahead... skills like that seem to evade them.

So my dear colleagues, those of you with whom I've shared a 'handshake' with, please be patient and take heart. We'll cheer ourselves over a glass of wine or pint of beer during Happy Hour today, tomorrow, and all the days after. If anything, working with Incompetents always makes for good stories to tell and hear.

(If you think I'm a bitch by saying all this, chew on this- remember that last meeting you missed? Yeah, the one you missed because you didn't listen or you forgot to write it down?...)

-Signing off in Seattle

...also, your MySpace SUCKS

Dear reporter (who I wish I could name but can't because I want to stay employed),

I used to think you were cool. Seriously- not a lot of people get the 'cool' label in my book because in my line of work, not a lot of them seem human.

Yeah, I thought you were cool.

That is until you stood me and my client up for a briefing.

I asked you what time you would be available for this briefing. I ASKED YOU and then, even when I realized that I would have to get my ass up out of bed at 5:30am to be in the office by 6:30am to gear up for the call at 7am, I was fine with it.

My client, who lives and works on the other side of the planet, put this call on her schedule. I told you that it was nearly midnight her time so you knew. You knew what a pain in the ass it was going to be for the both of us to make this call.

So when you tell me, after the call time, after my client and I hang around and wait for you to dial in to the conference line I cleared for use, that you were "running late to the office" and missed the call- don't expect me to be all sunshine and giggles, okay?

First of all, who the hell strolls into the office at 10:00 am? That's not just running late, buddy. That's "Oh my God, I'm going to have diarhhea, I'm so effing late to work that it's not even funny, not even The Office would make an effing parody of this" late.

Also, I scheduled this briefing on Monday. Today is Wednesday. I don't know if you can do math, but that means you had two days to casually look at your calendar and realize that you had a call at 10am.

Maybe you were having a bad night last night and simply hit the snooze button one too many times this morning. Maybe you accidentally poked your eye out with a spork and had to run to the emergency room with the spork still embedded in the now empty socket that used to be occupied by your eyeball?

I don't care. You still suck.

This post would be much more eloquent and witty if I wasn't so goddamn TIRED AND SLEEPY.

Sincerely,
I want my frikin product back, you inconsiderate jerk.

P.S. Oh yeah, I saw your MySpace page. It sucks.

More stupid statements- from New York!

Another lovely PR executive in NYC had these gems to offer. Some people say the darndest (read: stupidest) things.

Two cases of "WTF did you just say?" :

Client: Ok, so what are the next steps here?
Supervisor: Well, we will do a 180 and loop back with you to aggregate the seperate compontents into their own categories.

----

Expert: Looks fine. I made one change in the release on page 2, see the attachment. We shouldn’t tell people that the toilet is one of the safest places in the home; this is overstating what the data says. We really would not want people spending more time then they need to there.
Supervisor: That's a good change. Thanks.

-Signing off from Seattle/New York (we are now bi-coastal)

Don't Believe What Your Mother Told You...

Because there are such things as stupid questions.

For example.

Me: "Hi, I'm done with the award. If you want to look it over it's saved in the drive."

Supervisor: "Ok. Which folder is it saved in?"

Pause.

Me: "The awards folder."


*****
Back-to-back stupid questions.

Me: "If you could pull together a media list of people that focus on virtualization that would be great."

Newly promoted AAE: "Yeah, do you think we can get an intern to do that?"

Me: "Actually, it would be much faster if you could do that since you're familiar with the technology."

Newly promoted AAE: "So...um, yeah. Well, how would you suggest I go about doing that?"


*****
Stand alone stupid question.

AAE: "How do I log-on to Business Wire to queue that?"


*****
Completely and totally innocent stupid question.

Me: "We have such a breadth of technology clients here at *bleep.* So one of the challenges is being able to understand each client's technology in order to effectively pitch them."

Intern: "Oh, ok. So what, exactly, does *bleep* do?"

Blink. Blink, blink.

Me: "Uh, well, *bleep* is a PR agency....public relations..."


*****
Non-work related stupid question.

Receptionist: "We have an appointment for eleven o'clock open."

Me: "Great, eleven would be perfect."

Receptionist: "Ok, you're confirmed for eleven on the 17th. Would you mind coming in 30 minutes early?"

-Signing off from San Francisco

Price of a fan: $50. Price of clean air: Priceless.

A word or two about smells to working professionals everywhere.

Lunch:
So it's really important you have lunch away from your desk and/or work area as much as you can. Seriously, you work hard- take a break. You should eat your lunch in the kitchen or, if your company does not have a kitchen, outside in the nice, bright sun. Yes, bask in its life giving rays and contemplate the meaning of life while you munch on your curry chicken.

Do not eat lunch at your desk.

Do not eat lunch at your desk especially if you work in a cube or newsroom-setting where there are no walls to protect the innocent from the stench-emanating piece of steaming crap on your plate that you think is food but is really a rotting piece of whale flesh. Or at least smells like it.

I used to eat tuna sandwiches at my desk but I cut that shit out after a few weeks because my coworkers complained. Fine. Great. I did it out of respect to my colleague's olfactory sensibilities. But let's face it, tuna is a mild offender compared to, oh, I don't know, a bowl of vinegar!

(As I sit here writing this post, I can't help but wish I could walk over to the vineger offender and dump said bowl of vinegar over his or her head. I'm sure it isn't actually a bowl of vinegar but with all the weird fad diets out there today, it's in the realm of possibility. In any case, it smells positively foul.)

Herein lies my first tip of the day: If dogs howl, flowers die and wavy green lines hover above your food when you bring it out of the microwave, don't bring it back to your desk lest you risk the sound of gagging, and the eventual smell of vomit that will result from your actions.

Perfume/Cologne/Lotion:
There is a woman, who shall remain nameless, that uses a very pungent floral lotion. Lotions usually have a very mild smell- whether they smell of baked goods (my personal favorite), vanilla, flowers or fruits, they're usually appealing and harmless.

However, there are some lotions- and I'm grouping perfumes and colognes in this as well- that just make me want to rip off my nose and shove it down people's throats while I scream out, "Take it! You've ruined it forever!"

Isn't it enough I have to put up with the same people day-in and day-out for 8+ hours, 5 consecutive days out of the week? Do they really have to destroy my sense of smell too?

This woman's lotion smells, not of a singular flower- sweet and innocent- but of an entire fucking glade of flowers. Imagine plumeria shoved down your nostrils. Imagine the entire world, covered in plumeria, and the fumes being so strong as to have killed 99.9% of the population and all the dead plants are now potpurri and the remaining humans have to eat the dead, smelly, husks of flowers to survive.

Yeah, imagine that and you have now entered my world.

Her lotion is so strong that it doesn't last for just a few minutes. Not even for half an hour. No, folks, it lasts for HOURS. I don't know who makes this lotion but MY GOD, if they could somehow extract the potency and endurance of the smell and put it into foodstuff, world hunger would no longer exist.

I'm sure her lotion has directly affected sales of Excedrine because I have had so many migraines caused by the stench that I literally go through a bottle at a time when she slathers it on.

Herein lies my second tip of the day: If you see a coworker cringing or burst into tears when you bring out your bottle of lotion, or if you pass by someone on the street and they turn green and start hacking out a lung, it's sign that you stink. So cut that stinky shit out.

-Signing off in Seattle

'STEP DOWN!' Gettin' Off the MUNI

Things of relative interest I noted on my MUNI ride to work.

Salient avoidance of eye and body contact. Sunglasses on a non-sunny bus, iPods and the impressive ability to keep arms and legs tightly bound to the body - quite similar to that of a mummy.

*****

On a similar note, men with sunglasses, blazers and jeans. For no apparent reason, this combination bothers me. I see them on the bus all the time, and call me persnickety, but I can't help but raise my eyebrow every time I see one.

*****

I saw a fully grown woman going to work toting a snoopy backpack. This made me smile. Very nice.

(And I'm not being sarcastic, for once.)

-Signing off from San Francisco

Pass a Tissue, Please?

Wednesday, March 21. Lunch Time.

I figured I should mark this date so that this time next year I can be extra extra careful, because bad karma does strike in the same place twice.

The story begins when a colleague and I decide to go to CPK for lunch and a gab session. We cross the street and walk down an alley, ho humming along, when a woman that's passing us by literally (and I do mean literally) projectile vomits.

All over my face. In my hair. Down my back.

Now, I'm not sure what a normal reaction to something like this would be, but mine went something like, "FUCK. Fuck fuck fuck fuck, fucking, fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fucking, fuck fuck fuck, fuck, fucker. FUCKING, fuck."

My friend, who is more than several months pregnant, also got a decent amount of green matter sprayed across her as well, and I'm sure her upchuck reflexes were kicking in high gear. Fortunately, neither of us contributed to the heinous mess and were able to hold our own. Interestingly enough, my first millisecond thought, just as the vomit splattered across my face, was that this woman just threw a shake at me. I was about to be incensed to the tenth degree when I turn and see her vomit the rest of her bile infested lunch on the sidewalk. This was the same moment I realized what was all over my face and the freaking out ensued.

OK, again I realize this is an extremely unusual situation to come across and a little difficult to swallow, but if I saw two women, one pregnant, being barfed on I would set aside my disgust, hold in my chuckle, and fucking do something to offer some sort of help. Realizing no one was going to offer me a tissue, I saw I would have to fend for myself and used my jacket to wipe the nasty off my face. I then proceeded to stumble into a nail salon where I see a multitude of onlookers just sittin' pretty getting their nails done. Not a single person got up to help or offered a tissue, napkin or towel. Dumbfounded, I was.

What the fuck is wrong with people? If I could I would cue a lame Nickleback song.

-Signing off from San Francisco

What the Fucker?

I think I'm fairly innocent. Meaning, I don't excessively drink, do drugs, smoke, steal, gamble, etc.

My one vice, however, is swearing. It's just a bad habit that I can't seem to break and only gets worse as my time here passes. A little slip of a "what the fuck" and "motherfucker" just can't be contained sometimes.

Unfortunately, as lax as my office is, it's apparently not lax enough for my mouth. A complaint had been submitted to HR and I was officially scolded regarding my "language."

Well, jeez. Do I feel sheepish.

-Signing off from San Francisco

No Srsly!

Snippets from a snippet:

OMGREADTHISEMAILNOWNOWNOW!!!111!!: High importance emails are retarded. Yes- I said it. It really doesn't matter if your email has a little red flag next to it in my inbox, if I'm busy I'll get to it when I can. If it's really important and you need a response like, oh, two minutes ago- call me. That's what my desk phone is for. It's too ugly to be decorative and too big to be a paperweight. But...

Don't call me on my mobile when I'm at my desk: Seriously. Sometimes colleagues will call my mobile when they're ten feet away from me and I'm at my desk. I know Mika's Grace Kelly is all sorts of musical goodness but I doubt people call me just to hear it play.

Also, why do reporters call my mobile during the day? I put my office number in my signature first, in bold, and then my mobile number for after hours emergencies. 2:00pm on a Tuesday afternoon... I'll be at my desk. I promise. Here's a thought- try my desk phone before my mobile... you might like the results.

Super cheerful people in the morning make me angry: Okay, not really. But don't expect me to 'super cheerful right back atcha!' if it's 7:00am and I'm standing in front of the coffee machine with my arms crossed and tapping my foot. Obviously, I'm not happy and I haven't had my morning cup of liquid crack yet so please, say 'good morning' and go skipping off into Lollipop Land and play with the unicorns or whatever it is you do at that ungodly time of the day.

-Signing off from Seattle

Blogging Woes

So I'm not sure if it's kosher for me to complain about blogging on my blog, but I am.

I've been meaning to write a new post for a while, because I had several snarky things to say about things like tradeshows and wretched Valentine's Day at the office, amongst other topics. But finding the time at work (which is the only time I can blog, as it's where my inspiration stems and bitterness peaks) can be difficult, and sometimes it just ends up feeling like an action item.

So, here are all the things I've been meaning to say so that I can cross this action off my list and have some peace of mind.

Tradeshows

Pointless events that result in absolutely nothing except for sore feet and wasted time. It's funny, because several of my clients find that they get most of their sales leads through online efforts, yet they still decide to puddle through these things because their competitors are going or it's considered "the biggest show of xyz."

Now, from a PR perspective there are some good opportunities to get a few media briefings and get some face time with the client and reporters, but in reality is this worth the stress of preparation, plane ticket, hotel room, food and drinks, cost of entertaining client, blisters, time and most importantly....boredom? The boredom of walking the show floor, squinting at every goober that walks by in hopes they're the tech editor your client has been dying to meet with.

Not even schwag can make these events worthwhile.

Valentine's Day

In general, this day is a lame excuse for people to profess their love and appreciation for their significant other. However, some people (mainly women that work at an office) find this day to be a competitive event.

Who will get the biggest, most extravagant, gratuitous display of flowers? Winners to be announced no later than 12 p.m. PST.

And, oh, the poor boyfriend who was a bad puppy and either a) forgot to send flowers; b) sent flowers, but not to her office to display on her desk; or c) sent carnations because his sensible head couldn't rationalize spending $75 or more on things that will die in a few days.

*Note to this poor soul: Please wear a long sleeve shirt and protective eyewear to minimize scarring from the claws.

Coffee

Why is our office coffee so bad? I'm not going to blame Peet's, but when my coffee/cream ratio is 40/60, something's not right.

-Signing off from San Francisco

Powerpoint: The Killer App

I spent all of yesterday trapped in a room full of people, staring at Powerpoint presentations. There were about, oh, 13 presenters and each one had their own special presentation to show off. I sat in the most uncomfortable chair on the planet, listening to people who were essentially reading off every single word on each slide in their respective presentations.

If that isn't a preview of the Ninth Level of Hell, then I don't know what is.

Now I know I look deceptively young. I'm small. I have youthful features. Hell, I get carded when I try to order a latte at Starbucks but what on God's green earth gave these people the idea that I didn't know how to read?

Maybe it was out of courtesy that they didn't deviate from the words on the screen because... I could not read them. Unless you were a cat (and sadly, none of the humans in the room were) I don't think anyone could have read anything on the screen. I don't think anyone who sat more than a foot away from the massive 8x8 ft screen could read anything. It's hard to when the font is the size of sand granules.

I effing HATE Powerpoint presentations or, as I like to call them, "Satan's reading material for the damned."

I don't think they are a necessary evil. They're just evil - as in 'sacrifice a goat and chant White Snake lyrics backwards' evil. Whoever invented the Powerpoint at Microsoft should get their ass kicked, no joke.

But seriously, it is a business tool and maybe, used effectively, they could be helpful. The problem is Powerpoints are almost never used effectively.

People do stupid shit sometimes- they ride motocycles without helmets, they buy full price at Banana Republic, and they try to cram as many words as possible into 30 or more slides and think others will care.

The odd thing is, people seem to rely on slide presentations to the point of dependency. I'm in the communications industry yet a lot of the people I work with just don't get that Powerpoints are the worst way to communicate with someone. When asked for data, the first application people usually click on is the Powerpoint icon.

Why? Whatever happened to innovation? Creativity? Thinking outside of the box (or in this case, slide)?

What happened to talking?

The end goal of a Powerpoint is to express an idea and what usually happens is that any spark of brilliance or true original thought is lost in a hideous, chaotic mess of words and ridiculous images.

By the end of the day yesterday, I was ready to stab my eyes with the little plastic sporks my client had so kindly provided for me to use during our 'working' lunch. Seriously. I was ready to slash someone's (preferably a presenter's) tires. See how they liked being trapped with no escape.

I know that each time I have to work on a Powerpoint presentation, the Devil is setting aside my own little spot in Hell.

-Signing off from Seattle

Update: Donde Esta El "Crapper?"

It's my belief that the office "Crapper" has not left the building (as we all originally thought when a certain someone got the boot). For those who need a reminder on the bathroom atrocities that go on in the ladies room, please refer to the December 6th blog entry, "Crap..."

It's 6:55 p.m. and I am leaving the office to wait 20 minutes in the rain for the bus. So I decide it best to use the ladies room before leaving.

Now, I was fortunate enough not to see what someone had for dinner the night before left in the toilet bowl, but someone did leave the toilet seat cover plainly on the seat.

Seriously, people. How hard is it to a.) put all expendable toilet items IN the toilet; b.) turn around and make sure it made it in; and c.) flush.

So suffice it to say, this seems very much like something the Crapper would do, so I think I'll tread with caution when entering any stalls from now on.

That's all.

-Signing off from San Francisco

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Thanks to Seattle's insightful posts on the crop of (obtuse) interviewees wasting lobby space, I decided to take a moment and think about what the hell I really do all day.

PR. Um, yeah, not a change the world type of job, but it's important to a lot of companies, especially for those that I work for. Considering their marketing dollars are pretty tight, some of them go as far as to demand PR to directly increase sales (which, yes, is a tangential result of the job, but should never be the primary purpose). But, essentially they rely on us to help them stand out against the other five million tech start ups to compete with the proverbial 900 pound gorillas out there.

At most times it's pretty basic, and to be honest it's a boring and predictable cycle of the same thing over and over again. There's a distinct cycle of events for every specific activity we do to build up a lot of buzz and drama about something - anything - to garner coverage. Sometimes it's for a trade show event, funding news, press and analyst tour, or my personal favorite (insert sarcasm)...the "Thought Leadership" campaign.

Here's the basic cycle of events for a typical product announcement:

1. Client wants coverage

2. Client has no new product to announce

3. PR Team brainstorms and suggests to announce a "new" version of product because they added a cool new GUI (i.e., version 2 dot and a half of "leading systems management solution")

4. PR Team drafts press release and Client scrapes bottom of barrel for a customer

5. PR Team begs and/or pitches media and analysts for a briefing

6. Client complains why CNET, Forbes, and WSJ don't realize they are "the most innovative technology out there" and how they are "the ONLY one" to do what they do (PR Team nods head in agreement to appease Client)

7. Miraculously, PR Team books Network World, eWeek and IDG amongst others

8. Predictably, Client can't provide a customer that will speak to the media

9. Somehow "amazing" coverage appears and PR Team sends each and every snippet of an article or pick-up

10. Client complains that the reporter referred to them as the VP of business development instead of VP of products

-Signing off from San Francisco

Get Over Yourself Rant, Part II

On the flip side of things...

Being an AC or intern is not a fun job. As one quotable Vice President of an agency said to me, "No one goes into PR to be an account coordinator."

Truer words were never spoken!

I bitched about the new breed of hires in my earlier entries but before everyone jumps down my throat (or gives me a standing ovation, which seems to be the case), I want everyone to take a moment and think back to their entry level days. Yeah, remember those times? Early mornings, ridiculously late nights and oftentimes, weekends spent slaving away on a coverage report or media list? Remember the blood, sweat and tears shed on action item grids?

Remember all the power-crazed people you had to work under?

Everyone has their horror stories, right? Allow me to share a few of mine:

• One manager had me send out 300 personalized "Save the Date" emails in one night because she thought it was a good relationship building exercise. No, not three. Not 30. But 300. I was in the office until 10:00pm personalizing each note according to her specifications, even though a general (shorter) blast would have sufficed.
• When I was an AC, an AAE came to my desk and yelled at me for a good 10 minutes because I had spelled someone's last name wrong in an action item list. This was an internal email and the person whose name I spelled wrong, who worked within the agency, didn't care. Did I mention that it was my third week on the job?
• I was asked to send an action item via instant message to someone else within the office. Guess what medium they used to ask me to perform this action? You guessed it- instant message. Ding ding ding!

These are the more harmless events. You can ask 'San Francisco' about the time someone asked her to write a paragraph on each of the network drives purely for their own personal pleasure. I've known people, fresh from a promotion, who were so heady with newfound power set out to make life a living hell for other people.

But notice something here- the agencies that have people who treat other people badly usually lose their talent. On the one hand, you have lazy new hires that just don't want to put in the time to learn the ropes (and no, you don't actually know everything so hush). On the other, you have agencies that have trouble retaining talent because they treat new hires like scum.

In the end, can't we just treat each other with respect? Like in any business or industry, people coming in should appreciate the experience and knowledge that *legacy* folks have and understand that they probably don't know jack about anything and the *legacy* folks should remember how they started out and act accordingly.

Didn't mean for this to sound preachy but there you have it from someone who's been on both sides of the fence, so to speak.

-Signing off from Seattle

Who the hell do you think you are? (or the 'Get over yourself' rant, Part I)

Is it me or is the collective influx of new agency hires (junior level) a bunch of whiney, lazy jackasses?

Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. I'll be more polite from this point on. Or at least I'll try to be.

I have a lot of friends that work at different agencies across the country and lately I've been hearing the same thing over and over again- mainly that new hires, usually the ones at the intern and AC levels, seem to think they're more important than they really are.

I know what it's like to be an AC. Believe me, at that level, leaving at 9:00 pm was a good thing. I got thrown the most crap (and the least appreciated) projects every day. I will admit, I've grumbled under my breath, I've cried at work and even considered quitting to work at Starbucks. At that point in my life I thought that anything had to be better than the special hell called work that I had to endure.

But you know what? Though I may have complained outside of the office (usually with a bottle of wine and a few good friends), within the sacred walls of the agency, I worked my ass off with nary a complaint. I listened, I watched, I learned. I shut my mouth and held my breath when I was a millimeter away from bitching about how much and what kind of work I did because I just didn't feel it was professional of me to do so at my level. I knew that the people above me knew more and had more years behind them and I respected that.

It seemed like the people I came in with had the same point of view. They worked hard and they sucked it up and moved on when things were going bad.

Now it seems like these new hires think they're far too good to create a media list or track coverage. I don't know if it's a generation gap thing or just plain stupidity but I have heard the most ridiculous things come out of the mouths of babes.

A few come to mind:
"That's not in my job description."
"I feel I can do more strategic work on this account than just a coverage report."
"When I wrote a press release for my PR class, it looked like this and my professor really liked it."

Sometimes it's amusing but most of the time I feel the need to hit these people over the head with my headset. It doesn't matter what school you graduated from or what type of PR experience you got in class. It's like these people don't realize that school and the so-called 'real world' are two different places.

In school, you paid to be there and so your hand was held. Gently. Lovingly. In the real world, even your hardest class is a cradle compared to a day at an agency. An irate manager might just fire you if you tell her that tracking coverage is not in your job description.

Guess what my friend, you're right- it's not in your job description because you don't work here anymore! Surprise!

Is this sense of entitlement truly a result of the dot-com boom? Do these kids, fresh out of college, truly believe that they can move up in an agency as swiftly as they go through levels in a World of Warcraft campaign? I don't get it. The people I moved up with were professionals. They knew how to learn from their experiences- they were willing to learn. Now it seems like the new breed of PR hires aren't willing to learn and they expect that everyone should recognize their genius.

Let's just put this out there once and for all- you're expendable. We all are but those junior levels especially. Interns and ACs are easily replaced. See that young buck walking through the door with stars in their eyes and sporting a new suit?

That's your replacement.

-Signing off from Seattle

Quick Quips

I sit in an office with one entire wall that is a window. It’s a pretty nice view, especially considering we’re on the 20th floor.

I find it interesting, however, that my officemate and I choose to close our blinds and sit in a fairly dark office (mostly because we also keep the lights off and only use desk lamps when the sun goes down).

Some may say we do this in order to reflect our mood - which, in case you haven’t noticed is always snarky and just to the left of tolerable - but it’s not. I just like the dark. Bonus happy points if it’s overcast outside.

*****

We have these painstakingly inane monthly meetings that always get rescheduled at least once. However, our oh-too-eager and oh-too-annoying office manager decides to waste our time and hers by sending meeting reminders for the entire year.

Hmm, brilliant.

*****

Word and Excel. Knowing how to use these are pretty basic job requirements for most any office job. You would think that the people we hire at any level would have this skill, right? But, nope.

Apparently, it’s one of those things on our job requirement list that got left on the second page and forgotten at the printer. Oops.

-Signing off from San Francisco