Are you serious?

SF and I work in PR. That's all anyone really has to know at this point.

Now there are many misconceptions about PR people and I've read many a scathing blog entry or email from reporters about how awful we are. Most of the time I agree with these people- some of the things my fellow PR folks say or do make me cringe too. But hey, we're all people and we all make mistakes.

But you gotta give us some credit here. We're not (all) flacks, hacks or idiots. Most of the time we only do what we're told, no matter how much it goes against our thinking.

We wince when you wince, believe me.

I wonder though, why PR folks seem to get all the hate nowadays. Uh, people being people and all- reporters aren't exactly white as sheep.

Case in point: Recently, a reporter told me that he had lost a document that he needed for an article he was working on. I told him I was more than happy to track it down for him. However...

• He didn't know who sent it to him or where he got it from.
• He forgot when he got the document ("Sometime in the last three months? Maybe in Fall?")
• He forgot what the document was about.

Now I know it's not polite to say this but a part of me thought, "You're shitting me, right?" He wanted me to track down this mysterious document ("It might be a PDF, powerpoint...or Word doc.") and send it to him ASAP.

It was like playing 20 questions over the phone. And as everyone knows, 20 questions is not fun. It's what people do on long car drives to keep from murdering each other.

Another time, when I called a reporter to offer him a briefing, he asked me to repeat my name, which did. And then he asked if I was the young woman who came over to his place last night. I told him I wasn't. He said, "Well, whatever it is you're offering, I'll take it."

*Blink*

Not all reporters are like this. Most of the ones I work with are fantastic but you know, there's a couple out there that make me wonder if I should go back to school and do something else.

-Signing off from Seattle

Going up?

This email popped up in my inbox yesterday:

To: 'Signing off from Seattle'; 'Boy who works with S.o.f.S AKA Taylor'
From: General Manager of Office
Subject: Elevator snafu

Hey guys-

I spoke with the Property Manager yesterday, and she was embarrassed and apologetic about the elevator problem. She admitted their maintenance vendor is under scrutiny, and she further admitted that the building's and CBRE's (the property management company) communication process broke down yesterday.

I'm sorry this happened, but also glad it was little more than an annoyance. She now knows we're insisting this be solved, and I think she's responding appropriately to that.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

###

What happened, you ask? Oh nothing... I just got stuck in an elevator with a colleague for 40 minutes.

The other day, the office building people hosted a holiday party for all the building residents on the second floor. Quite nice of them, if you ask me.

My agency is on the 12th floor.

That afternoon, I was walking towards the kitchen with my water bottle in hand with the goal to fill it up with water. (Water is essential to life, you know. Remember that.) Anyway, I bumped into my co-worker, Taylor and he asked if I wanted to go downstairs and grab some food from the party. I said, "Sure!" because perpetual diet or not, I can't pass up free food. It's like, in the Bible or something- thou shalt not pass up free food. So I put my water bottle down on a table and walked to the elevators with Taylor.

We get into the elevator, laughing and chatting about random things and hit the second floor button. It starts going down and we keep chatting when all of a sudden, the elevator lurches to a screeching halt at the fourth floor.


Silence

We look at each other in horror.

We were stuck in that elevator for 40 minutes. Apparently, there's only one elevator technician in Seattle and the operator who took our call was outsourced. I kid you not, he asked if the building was in Seattle, Washington. (What did he think we would say? "Actually, we're in Seattle, Greece.") When the technician arrived, it took him 10 minutes to find parking.

Fun times, I tell you. Fun times.

Taylor and I had the craziest conversation in that elevator. When we were told that there was only ONE elevator technician in Seattle, he said, "Maybe there's an elevator technician's guild!"

"Like the Freemasons?"

"Yeah, exactly! And they have special titles for each other, based on ranking..."

"Like the Army? Instead of elevator technicians, they're called vertical administration officers and..."

"Instead of eagles and lines, they wear elevator buttons..."

"And the higher the floor number..."

"The higher the rank!"

Taylor and I had all the rankings planned out by the time we were 'saved'. The craziest part was, when the elevator started moving again, it took us up to the 10th floor. The doors open, we stepped off, and there was no one around. No technician, no building manager... no one. Not that we were expecting a parade or anything but it was weird.

Of course, we hopped back into an elevator (a different one, natch) and went downstairs and got food.

Oh yeah, when we got back to our floor, people clapped.

Heh.

The lessons learned from this? If you're going to ride the elevator, for any reason, short trip or not, bring your mobile and an amusing co-worker. Otherwise, you're screwed.

Edited to add: Also, a mad thank you to our GM- thanks for looking out for us!

-Signing off from Seattle

Ode to Costco

My office is ridiculous. We get a HUGE order from Costco twice a month and (I assume) spend a significant amount of money on important things like string cheese, twizzlers, buckets of butter (yes, BUCKETS), etc.

However, while all of us here are packing on the calories like we're chipmunks in winter, we can't afford the simple things, like a decent e-mail system that doesn't crash every day, twice a day, three times a day if you're already having a bad day. I don't know, but when 90% of your job consists of working through e-mail to correspond with clients and reporters, I would think investment in a functional e-mail system would be higher on the list than twizzlers.

OK, now that being said...

I LOVE the end of those two weeks - after the kitchen has been completely ravaged and all that's left on the shelves are pretzels and cup of noodle - when the Costco shipment comes in and you're left with a smorgasbord of "low calorie," "sugar free," "zero trans fat" goodness. It's like Christmas coming in 2 week increments.

Now, while I do love snacking for 8 hours, my favorite is the endless supply of soda. Ahhh, refreshing, bubbly, caffeinated soda. If I never learned back in elementary school that humans are 75% H2O, I would think soda was the nectar of life. Let's break it down.

"Thumbs Up"

1) Diet Coke - Nothing compares. Period.
2) Cherry Coke - The original is always the best. But never scoff at reinvention.
3) 7 Up - A little old school, but a classic.
4) Fanta - Weird, right? But I came to love it while in Spain. They love their Fanta.

"Thumbs Down"

1) Dr. Pepper - Nothing more disgusting. Tastes like lipstick. Really.
2) Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke - Were they serious with this one?
3) Sprite - Because everyone needs a nemesis (i.e. 7 UP)
4) Pepsi / Diet Pepsi - Not bad, but it's no Coke. And, is too sugary oxymoronic?

-Signing off from San Francisco

Tell me MORE about yourself (Part D'Oh)

Now I've heard some pretty funny things come from people I've interviewed in response to pretty mundane questions.

Like the guy who told me he had problems with criticism when I asked the simple question, "So what are some of your weaknesses?" (I think he went on to say that he tended to take things personally. Oh... really?)

But you know, I have to admit, I've heard some pretty funny interview questions. One in particular, asked by my lovely coworker *Charlie*, made me almost burst into laughter during an interview.

The setting- a small conference room. One seemingly sweet-natured, well-spoken interviewee is pitted against three heartless interviewers. Okay, I'm kidding, but the part about the room and the number of people is true.

So said interviewee had worked as an assistant on a project about WWII. Simple event planning stuff so the questions were pretty much related to process, etc.

Now Charlie is pretty well known for asking the tough questions- she's not someone you can bullshit during a meeting or she will call you on it. To your face. In front of everyone else. And she'll smile at you while doing so.

(She has one question about three light bulbs, three switches and a dark room that took me hours to figure out the answer to.)

So after the interviewee told us about the project, Charlie sat back with her patented smirk, tilted her head to the side and asked:

"So is World War Two your favorite moment in time?"

Followed up with: "What is your favorite moment in time?"

Now the question was pretty funny seeing how it had nothing to do with her experience but everything to do with... well, nothing. But that wasn't the funniest part. The funniest part was the look on the poor interviewee's face.

I swear, the blood drained out of her face and she blinked for a good 30 seconds before she stammered out, "Uh, um, sure, yeah? Maybe, sure... um yeah...sure, I like World War Two. Sure."

I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud. Charlie pretty much destroyed the thin layer of confidence the interviewee had gained from a fairly successful meeting thus far by throwing her off. In retrospect, it was an astonishingly brilliant move- it's like asking, "Can you get back on your feet after I knock you down on the floor?" So good work, Charlie.

But I know if I had met with her during my interview, I might not be here hammering out this blog entry.

ETA: Apparently, Charlie's favorite moment in time is the turn of the century. Go figure. Mine is Happy Hour.

-Signing off from Seattle

Word to the Little People

Facts first.

In my office here's the list of titles and how they rank from head honcho down to the little peeps:

CEO
General Manager
Senior Vice President
Vice President
Director
Supervisor
Senior Account Executive
Account Executive
Assistant Account Executive
Account Coordinator

The Exposition.

Vice Presidents and up typically send out-of-office notifications to the entire office, because they are always in and out due to new business pitches. It's necessary, and let's face it, if I were a VP I'd have the narcissistic desire to have people care about my whereabouts. No one does, but an inflated ego is an obligatory trait that comes with the title. I digress...

The e-mail.

--------------------------------
Subject: Me, Next Week
--------------------------------

Hi [entire office] -

I will be out for the holidays starting next week and will return to the office on Wednesday, December 27. I'm in touch with my teams, but wanted to check in with the rest of the office, just in case.

Cheers,

XXX

The individual that sent this e-mail is notoriously obnoxious. Not just "Eh, she's nice, just lacking a little social skills" obnoxious...I mean she's the "Yes, I know I'm obnoxious, but my all knowing brilliance seeps out from my pores so I can't contain it" type of obnoxious.

I pause here to roll my eyes and say "oy vey."

Now, this employee is also an assistant account executive (AAE). Yes, please refer back to the list above and take note that she is second to last on the big ass totem pole. So, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being an AAE - it's an important position. But when you're only a yard stick past entry level, it would be best to keep your pompous attitude in check. No?

My piece of advice to XXX. Stop it. Just stop it.

-Signing off from San Francisco

So tell me a litte bit about yourself (a.k.a Interviews Part 1)

I've been fortunate enough in my career to have the opportunity to participate in interviews from both sides of the table.

Okay seriously, I've stopped laughing now. Are you still with me?

An interview is basically speed dating without the romance. You tell me a little about yourself, I tell you a little about myself and then I decide whether or not I want to keep seeing you- usually under 30 minutes. As an interviewee, I've relaxed a bit in my interview style. Of course, that's experience talking. I've realized that I'm checking them out as much they're checking me out and honestly, that thought has gotten me a long way in being more prepared going into an interview.

You do your homework on Company A, you come in prepared with your list of questions and answers, and above all, you relax knowing that you've got experience and anecdotes to back you up.

But uh, what if it's your first interview out of college (or your first *real* suit and tie interview anyway)?

Well then, my newbie friend, you do your homework and use your common sense.

I repeat, homework and... COMMON SENSE.

Case in point: One guy I met with (no real names will be used in this blog- ever) put his personal blog on his resume, probably to showcase his writing skills. Good idea, in theory.

Unfortunately, his blog was mostly about his exploits overseas and how much he liked asian girls. Oh, and it was also about how he "used people" and how he was "slowly coming to realize how manipulative" he truly was.

I kid you not.

As an asian female, I had to wonder about a guy who would write every other entry on how he hung out with "hot" asian girls. (And uh, contrary to his belief, not all asian girls want to hook up with a white guy. Do I reallly need to say that??)

Poor judgment on his part. I figure that if anyone decides to put their personal blog on their resume, they should at least make damn sure it's relevant to the position they're applying for. There was nary a word on technology or public relations or current affairs. Though in his favor, he did have a lot of quotes up from The Simpsons.

Another interviewee shot himself in the foot when he said A) that he thought life wasn't about money and then pretty much said B) he applied for the job to make money.

Bzuh?

Also, canned answers can only get you so far in a conversation. Oh I'm sorry, I meant to write interview. Actually, an interview is a conversation so please engage me. Don't sit on the chair and repeat words or phrases that I've just said over and over again.

Thanks for proving to me you're listening intently to the sounds that are coming out of my mouth but if I wanted a parrot, I would have stolen one from the set of Pirates of the Caribbean.

Really though, I'm one of the easiest interviewers around (maybe too easy), in my opinion. I still remember a time when the only work experience I had to draw on was dealing with cranky babies and nitpicky parents. I empathize with people who come in for an entry-level position and I try my best to draw them out and just chat with me.

After all, everyone has to start somewhere.

Just, you know, put on your thinking caps when you come in to interview. And wear a real suit, please. A skinny tie paired with an emo-suit jacket do not count. I'm sorry, you must have this office confused with a Death Cab for Cutie concert- that's down the block more.

My next entry will be about the funniest interview question I've ever heard. Really.

-Signing off from Seattle

Crap...

...it comes in many forms, but there's only one kind that all of us accumulate, er, or release on a daily bases (if lucky). So we can all relate to this next tale.

First, it needs to be said that I continue this rant about bathroom etiquette only because the atrocity that I witness on a daily basis is a need-to-be blogged about topic.

Now, I'm not sure if my Seattle counterpart just happens to live in a cleaner city where all you see on the toilet seat in the ladies room is a little pee, but in the Bay Area our women take their dumps heartily, frequently, and well, all over the place.

The visual....

I walk into the ladies room - which is always in a state of nastiness with USED toilet paper everywhere and a constant stench of ass mixed with potpourri - and walk to the last stall, because in our office the "crapper" stall is the first one you come up to.

Lo and behold, I see a sizeable piece of crap ON THE TOILET SEAT. Please keep in mind that this is not a smear or a questionable something or other. It's shit. A big one. To make matters worse, this individual thought it best to squish it down with a piece of the toilet seat cover that apparently was not used during her dumping.

Nothing left to say but what the fuck, dude, what the fuck.

So, in light of this incident, here's a gem of an e-mail that all the women in our office received from one female VP. Normally, I hate these types of office caveats and FYI's, but this one was welcomed.

---------------------
Hi Ladies:

While I know people from other floors leverage our bathroom facilities - therefore they could quite possibly be the people that make it a bit on the filthy side. However, just in case, I wanted to send out a friendly reminder that when you use the "WC" please be sure to pick up after yourself - even if something gross falls on the floor or seat.

We all know what I am talking about....

- pick up paper on floor
- wipe seat
- wipe counter top if excessive

Thank you in advance!

XXX and Others (I am just the sender of the email - don't get annoyed off the messenger)

-Signing off from San Francisco

Poppin' the blog cherry

Hm, what to write about on this dreary Tuesday in Seattle? What topic could be worthy enough, special enough, for the inaugural post of the Bishop blog?

Oh, I know.

Bathroom etiquette in the ladies room.

Now we all know the etiquette for the men's bathroom. You know, no looking down. Because, uh, that's weird and creepy. And you could get your ass kicked if you do. But hardly anyone talks about what constitutes as good manners for this day and age for women in the bathroom.

Seriously though, it's not thinking on par with brain surgery.

It's not even GED level thinking.

So here it is, some general guidelines for a public women's bathroom:

-Do not leave pee on the toilet seat. Uh... EW. There are toilet guards available in most stalls if you don't want to sit down on the ceramic throne, okay? How hard can it be, how much time does it take, to pull up and pull down? The answer: not much effort or time are needed for either.

If you don't use toilet guards and prefer the tippy-toe and squat method, for the love of all that is holy and good in the world, wipe off the toilet bowl, you dirty, nasty freak.

-Flush after you are finished. The bathroom is used for many naturally occuring events. I'm sure everyone knows what bodily functions Number 1 and Number 2 stand for, right? Number 1 happens most frequently throughout the day and Number 2, well, not as frequently. But when it does happen, common courtesy dictates one thing.

Just one.

Flush when you are done.

Again I ask, how hard can it be to push the little lever down? It takes a second to do so and it prevents the poor, unfortunate victim who happens to walk in next from gagging- or worse. To quote Nike, 'Just Do It.'

-You can not claim a stall. If you walk out of it, it is no longer yours.

I worked on a floor where the bathroom was shared between two companies. There was one woman from the other company who would act as if one stall belonged to her. She had a strange habit of walking into one stall, taking toilet paper, walking out to the sinks and then wetting it under the faucet.

The crazy thing is, whatever stall she took the toilet paper from, she'd claim. No kidding. She actually asked a friend of mine to get out of the stall so she could use it.

-Talking on your mobile in the bathroom is rude... and fucking annoying to those of us who are trying to use the bathroom in peace. I'm pretty sure the person on the other line wouldn't appreciate the echo.

Seriously, you don't want the person on the other end to ask, "Is that the sound of someone... peeing?"

-Wash your hands. The general rule of thumb is you should wash your hands with soap and warm water for two rounds of 'Happy Birthday' but one 'Happy Birthday' should suffice, especially if you're in a hurry.

But I'd prefer a quick 'La la la' to no handwashing at all.

So in conclusion- don't leave pee on the toilet seat, flush, don't be a snot about your stall and wash your dirty, dirty hands before you walk out of the bathroom.

-Signing off from Seattle