Top 5 List- Signs that you are batshit

This time, the list is on the top five work annoyances that prove some people are just freaks.

In no particular order:

Tardiness:
Some people are always late to things. They usually rush into a room minutes after a meeting has already started, flustered and pink-cheeked, muttering excuses under their breath. People stare at them for an angry second and then the meeting goes on.

You know what?

Those people are asses.

Yeah, that's right, Miss I'm-Always-the-Last-Person-to-Show-Up- you are an ASS.

I'm not bitching about the person who is occasionally late because, hell, shit happens right? I don't have a perfect track record but I will try my goddamn hardest to be on time, on the dot, for meetings, in-person or on a call. Why? Because we all have better stuff to do with our day then wait around for the one or two fuck ups who just had to reheat their coffee or tea, or get a piece of chocolate from the kitchen, or want to finish their game of Scrabulous before heading off on the 10 foot walk to the conference room.

It's not a quirk. It's not part of your personality. It's just you acting like an asshole.

Look at it this way- when people are always late to events, meetings, dates, it tells me that they don't give a flying fuck about me or the other people who have to wait for them. Intentional or not, it's not acceptable and I don't care how many excuses these people have to fall back on, they're being disrespectful.

Having a disgusting workspace:
If I have to step over the pile of trash to talk to you in your cube, something is wrong. If I can barely find a space to stand in, if I'm sneezing because there's a layer of dust over everything around you, and if that old discarded Snickers wrapper is moving by itself- something is wrong.

Sorry, just because you work here doesn't mean you own the space. I've been in work areas where there are several file piles taller than me and a strange, rotten scent lingers in the air. It's not at all endearing. It's actually quite frightening.

(A side note here- there's a messy desk and then there's just disgusting. A messy desk is usually had by someone who is crazy busy but has a method to their madness. Their desks are usually covered in papers that they need at a grabbing distance. A disgusting desk means that you're not quite sure there is a desk in the cube but you would assume there is one because the crazy mosaic of trash over there is shaped vaguely like a flat surface with four legs.)

We all work really hard and sometimes we just throw stuff aside in our daily work lives because other things take our attention. It's cool. I am all for people figuring out their own systems, their own way of getting shit done. I cringe when people try to impose their way of doing something - because they think it's the only way - on other people. That's not fair to anyone. There's one guy I use to work with that never took notes during meetings. He remembered everything though so I wasn't going to tell him to take notes just because it worked for me. Also, I will manage my inbox the way I want to, thankyouverymuch.

But a messy work space just tells me you're dirty.

If you need teddy bears (note the plural form here), figurines, old tin canisters, three dead plants and empty plastic bags around you to function like a normal human being, here's a newsflash- it isn't working.

Clean your shit up, Pigpen. This isn't Peanuts and you are not cute.

Stealing a conference room/something from someone else's desk:
...in the right mood, I would cut someone's throat for lesser offences.

Eating my lunch:
I always label my lunch and yet, at three different agencies, I've had my lunch stolen from me no less than four times.

Clearly, there are geniuses at work here. I mean, seriously? What the fuck kind of deterrent would keep a jerk like this away from a bag that's clearly labeled? Automatic Mace? Do I need to stand guard in front of the refrigerator to protect the virture of my lunch?

Since you work, I'm assuming you have money. Buy your own lunch, you fucking pig.

Not sure if you can tell but this one really pisses me off.

Asking me if I'm busy when- no shit, Sherlock- it's clear I am:
If I'm staring crazily at my monitor and my fingers are flying over the keyboard, or if I have a headset on and I'm scribbling notes in my notebook, the safe assumption would be that I'm in the middle of something. Right?

Children at age five- or six-years of age have the cognitive ability to correctly assess a situation and plan next steps.

Do you mean to tell me that you're dumber than a six year-old?

Anyway, one day I am going to keel over in my cube and just fall down dead on the spot of a stress-induced heart attack. Seriously, I need to take up yoga or something or the freaks at work will lead to my early death.

-Signing off in Seattle