There is no "I" in team...

...therefore the team SUCKS.

First of all, Happy Valentines Day! No seriously, I hope everyone had a great day today. I know I did.

The day started off with our lovely Operations team passing out glorious icing-laden cupcakes (or as I like to think of them, little bits of 'better than sex') to everyone in the office. I know, seriously, we have it good here. I like to fancy myself a vegan 23.99999 hours of the day but there was no effing way I was going to pass up having a cupcake for breakfast.

Anyway, about six hours later, someone sent out an email saying "Thank you" to the Operations team. It was absolutely well-deserved, yes indeed. And it needed to be said.

However, the twenty fucking emails that followed- all with little jokes and one-liners- were not needed. Fuck that. It may be 4:00 p.m. and we may only have an hour and a half left in the day but Shut. The. Fuck. Up. People.

Quit typing and step away from your keyboards. I don't care if you have to gnaw off your goddamn fingers to resist the urge to hit "Reply All" but I don't give a shit about what you have to say regarding those cupcakes from this morning. If you want to have a conversation (which clearly is the case), walk your ass over to the person who wrote the last email and speak to them. You are not witty, you are not funny and you are most definitely not amusing those of us who have to hit delete everytime Re: Cupcake Heaven appears in their inbox.

My coworker, who shall remain nameless, made some comment about me not being a team player. What the hell does being a team player have to do with being annoyed at the fact that I'm getting SPAMMED? You'd think if these people were really team players they'd shut their traps and quit filling my inbox with inane chatter about.... cupcakes.

I was so irritated that I took time out of my billable hours to rant. Clearly, those Re: Cupcake Heaven people aren't working either, are they?

-Signing off from Seattle